I'm so vain, I probably think this blog is about me.
I have come to the conclusion lately that I am incredibly vain. Or self-centered, if there's a difference. It seems that all I think about is me, me, me, and/or anything that could affect me, especially in an adverse way. I obsess over my weight: I'm far too overweight, and I'm always looking at myself in the mirror, disgusted with myself for being such a slob. Never mind that a good portion of the weight I've gained is due to the medication that I was on for the last two years--I still find me calling myself things like Jabba the Hut. Yet, despite this, I worry about losing the amount of weight that I need to lose, because--omigod, what if I end up looking like those people on Extreme Makeover who've lost massive amounts of weight and now have bloodhound bellies? What if I end up with my boobs around my knees? What if--God forbid--I end up looking my age?! See, this is what I'm talking about. Of course I want to lose weight--in fact, Rachel and I have made a commitment to start on the Body For Life program, starting this weekend. And the real reason I want to lose weight is for health reasons--no sense waiting 'til that first heart attack for start getting fit. ('Cause there might not be a chance to wait around for the second one.)

I'm also vain when it comes to my home surroundings. I haven't had company over for months, because my apartment never looks good enough for people to see it. Now, I could play this off as wanting to be a good hostess and have a nice environment for people to come into (and that does come into play), but let's face it--I mostly can't stand for anyone to think that this is how I really live. God forbid that anyone should think that my place isn't ready for a Martha Stewart Living photo shoot.

Anyway, I could go on and on (see? vain, I tell you!), but you get the picture. MY appearance, MY apartment, MY job, MY finances, MY WAY! One of my teachers in a Bible school that I attended defined "sin" as: my insistence upon my right to my own way. I see that. I'm working on it, little by little, sometimes by lowering my standards and expectations of myself, but mostly by trying to become more other-focussed, more aware of other people's issues that maybe I can minister to. I think that, as I do that, MY issues will loom less in the foreground and become less important. Let's hope so.

posted by #Debi at 10:17 PM | permalink | 0 comments

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