the scriptorium

Saturday, September 21, 2002

Again it's been nearly a week since the last post. I've been busy lately getting ready for this singing thing I'm doing the first Saturday in October, going to Georgetown twice a week to practice with Tim on the duets we're planning to do. Things are starting to come together--we have our "program" mapped out (song list order) and are beginning to get more confident in singing with each other. I'm used to solos these days, so I don't have to worry much usually about things like unity of artistic vision or blending, etc. This has been a great object lesson in humility and community for me. At some point I'll try and put together the things God has been teaching me through this experience. Of course, one of the best things has been getting to hang out more with Tim's wife, Tina. She's one of my favorite people and I don't get to spend nearly enough time with her these days.

What actually inspired me to post just now is reading other people's blogs. In particular, Water's Edge--in very particular, Joel McClure's September 9th post. Here's the quote I found so inspiring/intriguing:

"(Disciples) are to make a radical break with security and possessions, with the customs and habits of everyday life, for no other purpose than to share in his ministry of preaching the repentance needed to become part of the kingdom.... Discipleship is quite simply extended training in being dispossessed. To become followers of Jesus means that we must, like him, be dispossessed of all that we think gives us power over our own lives and the lives of others. Unless we learn to relinquish our presumption that we can ensure the significance of our lives, we are not capable of the peace of God's kingdom."

I'm in a place right now where this is resonating with me very strongly. I'm so tired of--well, frankly, the upkeep of all the stuff we think we need to live comfortably. I feel like I'm one of those guys you used to see on Ed Sullivan or Johnny Carson--the guys with the spinning plates going at the top of long poles. The guy would be constantly going from one to the next, trying to keep them all spinning at the same rate. The difference is that those guys pretty well kept all their plates spinning, whereas I think a bunch of mine are about to come crashing down. Some of them need to come down, whether by crashing or by me just disassembling them. I'd like to have no more than two or three "plates" in the air at a time. I guess what I'm saying is that my heart cry right now is to simplify my life. Part of this is the ongoing frustration with all the stuff in my apartment that needs to be simply chucked; part of it is the stack of bills on my counter that God is going to have to pay because I can't; part of it is trying to maintain too many "intimate" friendships with people of wildly diverse viewpoints of life (I mean, Jesus had His twelve, but only three were really intimate friendships). I feel very "pulled" sometimes. I'd like to be able to make room in my life for a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, but I'm not sure I have the energy for that right now. (Besides, the guys are not exactly lining up outside my door, if you know what I mean. ;^) ) This is starting to sound like a pity party, I know; it's actually more of an inventory of what I need to sort out in my life. I'm actually fairly content with most of it--there's just some spiritual "housecleaning" that needs to happen here. I realize that most of it's up to me, and I'm making a commitment this weekend to get started. So, I'm gonna quit feeling guilty about not posting in here constantly, for example. If you don't hear from me for a while, hopefully I'm doing some housecleaning, either temporal or spiritual. Ack, pray for me!!

posted by #Debi at 9:13 AM | permalink | 0 comments